


Redemption

by pushkin666



Category: Panic At The Disco
Genre: AU, Bandom - Freeform, Gift Fic, M/M, Panic at the Disco - Freeform, evil!panic boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-19
Updated: 2010-05-19
Packaged: 2017-10-09 13:50:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/88149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pushkin666/pseuds/pushkin666
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An alternate view of why Jon and Ryan left Panic. Ryan's POV. The prompt was for evil!panic boys.</p><p>As the months went by Ryan began to feel like he was losing more and more of himself. He was becoming what Brendon and Spencer wanted – their creature; unable to function on his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Redemption

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dreamersdare](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=dreamersdare).



Spencer seemed perfectly normal until he met Brendon. Well normal to everybody but Ryan. However, when Brendon joined the band, Spender found a kindred spirit. Another of his kind. Up until that point he'd managed to control himself, but now he no longer felt the need to.

It was then that Spencer began to change - or to be more open about what he was. At least with his band. And it was Spencer's band, no matter how much Ryan tried to fool himself that it was his too.

Time spent together became more and more difficult as Spencer and Brendon turned their attention to first Brent and then Ryan. During the shoot for the I write sins not tragedies video Brent saw what would happen to him if he stayed and so he chose to run. He was lucky, managing to escape from Brendon and Spencer before being trapped too tightly in their web.

Ryan wasn't as lucky. But then Spencer had had years of influencing and tainting Ryan, years of spinning the gossamer mesh that held him fast. With Brendon there Spencer was stronger than ever and Ryan was powerless - at first.

He could feel himself being sucked further under their spell, his self-will weakening. Spencer and Brendon were sleek and fat with energy, with a gloss to them that hinted of evil deeds carried out in the dark. With Brent gone it had seemed that Ryan was the only one able to see them for what they were.

Thankfully, their attention was diverted away from Ryan for a while; to their girlfriends and their fans, who were more than willing to give them whatever they wanted, doing anything to be able to say they'd spent time with Brendon and Spencer of Panic! at the Disco.

It was during this time that Jon joined Panic, bringing his own different type of energy to the group dynamic. Jon who was laid back, older, and had seen more of the world. He seemed incorruptible; to be able to go through life and have nothing attached to him - unlike Ryan.

As the months went by Ryan began to feel like he was losing more and more of himself. He was becoming what Brendon and Spencer wanted – their creature; unable to function on his own. He felt as though not only was his energy being taken from him but his creativity as well.

Pete putting them together in a cabin to work on their second album had been the worst idea ever. Ryan still didn't know how he'd come out of that sane -maybe he hadn't. He still wasn't really sure.

But the time in the cabin must have given Jon more of an insight into Spencer and Brendon's characters and their appetites. He had recognised their true nature and been able to see what they did to Ryan, how changed he'd become. Jon had said nothing though, just cautiously began to spend more time with Ryan, trying to always be the fourth in the room, to deflect some of Spencer and Brendon's attention away from Ryan and to himself.

And no matter what they did, Jon didn't seem to be affected by it. Spending time with him, Ryan began to feel more alive, to claw back pieces of his psyche; to remember himself and rediscover his creativity.

On the surface everything seemed fine. Then the band took a break after the tour and Jon returned to Chicago leaving Ryan with Spencer and Brendon. And being back in Vegas meant he couldn't avoid them.

Spencer and Brendon were with him constantly, not leaving him alone for even five minutes until eventually they tired of him - at least for the time being. It took him three days after they left him alone to manage to summon up the energy to call Jon. Jon had caught the next flight out and it was then that Ryan opened up, told him about the years spent with Spencer and Brendon, the toll it had taken upon him. It was during that conversation that talk turned to the band splitting, to Ryan and Jon leaving and starting their own band. At first Ryan balked. The idea of no longer being in Spencer's orbit was both exhilarating and terrifying. But in the end he'd managed to find the strength; had walked away from his band and his oldest friend.

Ryan takes a mouthful of beer and leans into Jon, enjoying his warmth. He doesn't really believe that Jon is human - he'd rescued Ryan from Spencer and Brendon after all. Been his redemption. His knight in shining armour. His angel! Ryan sniggers and closes his eyes, listening to the music.

Ryan doesn't miss Panic. With Young Veins he feels that he's beginning to rediscover himself, to become the Ryan Ross he once was. He misses Spencer and Brendon though, especially Spencer. He can't help it. It feels like he's lost a part of himself. But he doesn't regret leaving. Not one little bit.

Ryan knows it will be a very long time before he's fully clear of their taint, if ever. And longer still before he can be alone with Spencer. But no matter how long it takes, Ryan knows he doesn't have to go through it alone. He has Jon.


End file.
